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Let me start by asking: Have you ever looked at your daughter and thought, “Why is she being so hard on herself?”

Maybe she’s hiding in her room, overwhelmed by schoolwork or a project she’s too afraid to start. Or maybe she’s been snapping at you for asking what seems like a harmless question, like, “How’s your day been?”

It’s like you’re walking on eggshells, wondering what’s going on in that beautiful mind of hers. I get it, mums. Because I’ve been there. And today, we’re tackling a big one: self-pressure, perfectionism, and the fear of failure. These invisible weights that can crush your daughter’s spirit and wreak havoc on her mental health.

So, grab your cuppa - or maybe that glass of wine if it’s been one of those days - and let’s unpack what’s going on and what we can do about it.

First, let’s talk about how self-pressure shows up in your daughter’s life. It’s not always obvious. Sometimes, it looks like tears over a less-than-perfect test score. Other times, it’s hours scrolling TikTok or obsessing over that one selfie she thinks doesn’t look “right.”

It can also show up as defensiveness - snapping at you or shutting down completely. And let’s not forget procrastination. That big science project due next week? She hasn’t even opened her laptop yet.

So why is this happening? What’s causing this wave of self-pressure?

The Why: What’s Happening in Her Brain and Body

Here’s the deal. Teenage girls are under an avalanche of expectations—some of which come from outside, like school, friends, or social media, and some from within, like their own drive to be “perfect.”

Physiologically, her teenage brain is still developing, specifically the prefrontal cortex - that part of the brain responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation. So, when she feels like she’s failing, her brain gets stuck in overdrive, amplifying the fear and anxiety.

Here’s where dopamine comes in. You’ve probably heard of it as the “feel-good hormone,” but it’s also the brain’s reward system. For your daughter, dopamine is what motivates her to succeed. But when she sets unrealistic expectations and feels like she’s falling short, her brain doesn’t get that dopamine boost. It’s like being stuck in a cycle where the reward feels out of reach - over and over again.

And let’s not forget her heart. Emotionally, she’s carrying guilt and shame when she feels like she’s not meeting her own standards - or yours even if that pressure is her perception, not an actual fact.

The Bigger Picture

A study from the CDC found that teen girls are 30% more likely than boys to experience anxiety and depression during adolescence. Why? Because girls are often juggling so many external and internal pressures. Social media alone can amplify this—filters, likes, and comparisons become fuel for self-doubt.

The bottom line? She’s not being dramatic. Her brain, her body, and her heart are overwhelmed.

3 Tools to Help in the NOW

Okay, mama, let’s talk solutions. Here are three simple tools to help her—and you—right now.

1. Motivation: Small Wins Add Up

Motivation isn’t about leaping tall buildings in a single bound; it’s about taking one tiny step at a time. If your daughter is overwhelmed, break things down into micro-goals. Instead of “finish the essay,” try “write the first sentence.” Celebrate each win with her, no matter how small.

And here’s the magic: when she accomplishes these micro-goals, her brain gets that dopamine boost, reminding her that progress is possible.

2. Resilience Training

Resilience training is brain training so start small - a 4 min tabata routine once a day is enough for her brain and her body. Pick two movements to do for 20 secs blocks with a 10 sec break, enough to fit in a 4 min routine. Change it up and make it exciting enough to trigger those endorphins - the feel good hormone into her day.

3. Protect Her Sleep

We cannot underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. Her brain needs it to process the day, store memories, and recharge emotionally. Create a bedtime routine that feels like self-care - maybe a hot chooclate, a screen-free hour, or even just dimming the lights earlier.

If you’re sitting there nodding along, thinking, Yes, this is exactly what my daughter is going through, let me tell you -you are not alone.

That’s why I created the Mum2Mum Connection, a space where you can connect with other mums navigating the same challenges. You don’t have to do this alone, mama.

And for your daughter, there’s the Glow Group—a safe, supportive community for teen girls to build confidence and learn tools for managing stress.

Finally, don’t miss my guide, Raising Confident Girls in a Digital World. It’s packed with practical advice and strategies to help you and your daughter thrive in today’s tech-driven landscape.

Remember, self-pressure and perfectionism might be part of your daughter’s story right now, but it doesn’t have to define her. With a little understanding, some small but impactful tools, and your unwavering support, she can turn that pressure into something positive.

Let’s be proactive rather than reactive, because showing up for her today builds the foundation for her tomorrow.

Any questions? Hit reply to this email

Rach x

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