She Slammed the Door Again…Now What?
If you would prefer to listen rather than read click the link below and don’t forget to hit subscribe so you can be one of the first when I release a new episode
And why it’s probably not about you at all).
You know that moment…
The door slams.
You stand there, blinking.
Heart racing.
Confused.
Frustrated.
Thinking, “What even just happened?!”
Been there? Yeah. Me too.
If you’re a mum to a girl aged 9 to 25, chances are you’ve felt that “WTF is going on?” feeling more than once. And I want to tell you something important straight up:
It’s not just drama.
It’s not just hormones.
And it’s definitely not just “attitude.”
It’s her nervous system.
She’s Not Broken — And Neither Are You
That slammed door isn’t her rejecting you.
It’s not failure on your part.
It’s a sign her system is overloaded and she doesn’t have the tools (yet) to say, “Mum, I’m overwhelmed.”
So she reacts the only way her body knows how: fast. Loud. Emotionally.
It’s not personal - it’s physiology.
Here’s What’s Really Going On
1. Her Brain Is Still Wiring Itself
From age 9 well into her twenties, your daughter’s brain is a construction zone.
The prefrontal cortex - responsible for emotional regulation and decision-making - is still developing.
The amygdala - her emotional alarm system - is already firing at full volume.
That means she literally feels first, thinks later.
And the science backs this:
Teens produce more cortisol (stress hormone) than adults and are more reactive to emotional triggers. That slammed door? Could just be her nervous system hitting max capacity.
2. Her Body is Wired, Tired, and Triggered
Today’s world is a lot.
Phones buzzing, school deadlines, friendship drama, social media, hormones… it’s non-stop.
And it’s affecting her more than we realise.
In the UK, the average teen spends over 7 hours a day on screens. That’s 7 hours of input, stimulation, and pressure with very little downtime for her nervous system to reset.
So when she explodes, hides in her room, or completely shuts down - it’s not “bad behaviour.”
It’s her body saying: “I can’t hold this anymore.”
Tip: Movement helps. Nature helps. Even just going outside barefoot (yes, really) and walking can regulate her system and release some of that built-up stress.
3. Her Hormones and the Moon Are in Sync (Seriously)
Whether she’s started her period or not - her body is cycling. And those hormone fluctuations? They affect everything.
One week she’s confident, chatty, full of life.
The next she’s tired, teary, and totally over it.
And here’s the wild part — her cycle often mirrors the moon.
Around the full moon, emotions tend to spike.
Around the new moon, she might feel more withdrawn or sensitive.
Tracking mood swings or shutdowns with a moon phase calendar can actually help you spot patterns - and stop taking it personally when the mood hits.
This isn’t about being “woo.” It’s biology.
4. She Feels It Before She Can Say It
Most girls can’t explain what’s happening in their bodies - because it all happens before the thoughts arrive.
Her heart races. Her stomach twists. Her chest feels tight. And her brain scrambles to make sense of it.
Often, that comes out as: “I’m anxious. Something’s wrong with me.”
But that’s the thing - nothing is wrong with her.
She’s not broken. She’s just overloaded.
And if 1 in 3 teenage girls in the UK now report high anxiety levels (NHS Digital, 2023), it’s not because they’re all “disordered” - it’s because the world is asking too much of them.
So What Can You Do, Mum?
When she’s spiralling or slamming:
Don’t try to fix it. Just pause.
Breathe - for real. One hand on your heart, one on your belly.
(You doing it helps her co-regulate.)
Get outside. Walk together. Go barefoot if you can.
Write, don’t talk. Leave her a notebook message like:
“I’m here when you’re ready. No pressure.”
You don’t have to fix her feelings - just be her safe space while she learns to ride the waves.
Your Mini-Challenge This Week
When emotions are high - hers or yours -
go outside, take off your shoes, and breathe.
Even 90 seconds of grounding can reset the entire nervous system.
It’s simple. It’s free. And it works.
Need More Support? I’ve Got You
If this blog hit home and you’re thinking, “Yes, okay - this actually makes so much sense, but what do I do next?” - I made you a guide.
It’s called:
“WTF is Going On? Spoiler Alert - Nothing!”
It’s short, practical, and full of real tools to help your daughter feel safer in her body - and help you feel more confident as a parent.
Final Thought - You’re doing better than you think
You don’t need to be perfect.
You just need to be present.
Even when she slams the door,
Even when you don’t have the right words.
Keep showing up. Kee[ breathing. Keep being her safe space.
You’ve got this - and I’m right here with you.
No matter how things feel right now, I promise - you won’t feel like this forever.
Let’s be proactive, not reactive!
We’re in this together.
Rach x
If you like what you read then…
Share the Love:
If you found this post helpful, share it with another mum who might need a little extra encouragement this season.
Let’s keep whispering together - your teen is listening, even if she doesn’t always show it.
Click on the above links to be one of the first to receive new updates or check out my website at www.theteenwhisperer.co.uk.
Connect with me on Voxer (a walkie talkie app) at RachelFriedli teenwhisperer
Follow me on Instagram
Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
I look forward to connecting and working with you.
