Boys Will Be Boys? Not On Her Watch…
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“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“It’s just banter.”
“That’s just how boys are.”
Sound familiar?
These aren’t just throwaway comments. They’re red flags — the kind your daughter is often expected to brush off in order to stay safe, liked, or just get through the day.
As mums, we can’t afford to ignore the impact anymore.
In this post, we’re going to explore:
• What’s happening in your daughter’s brain and body when she’s disrespected
• Why it’s not just harmless banter — it’s nervous system overload
• And how you can help her feel safe, grounded, and empowered
Whether your daughter is 9 or 25, these moments shape how she sees herself and what she thinks she deserves. You have a powerful role in helping her rewrite that script.
Why “Harmless” Comments Aren’t Harmless
Let’s be clear:
A comment like “Smile, you’d look prettier,”
A grope in the corridor,
A boy sharing a photo without consent —
These are not small incidents.
They may be common. But they are far from harmless.
Here’s what happens inside her body when it does:
Her nervous system kicks in.
Adrenaline and cortisol flood her system.
Her heart races. Her breathing changes.
Her brain switches from “thinking” mode to “survival” mode.
She might:
• Laugh it off to keep the peace — that’s the fawn response or people pleasing mode
• Freeze and go silent
• Snap back or roll her eyes — fight
• Or walk away — flight
These are not conscious decisions.
They are physiological reflexes.
And the more these experiences stack up — in group chats, classrooms, hallways — the more her nervous system lives in a state of high alert.
She starts to believe:
“Maybe it’s me. Maybe I need to change to stay safe.”
And that is what chips away at her confidence, over time.
What She Might Be Feeling - But Not Saying
She will never say, “I felt violated.”
She might say:
• “It’s fine, I’m used to it.”
• Or laugh it off
• Or come home flat, irritable, or exhausted — and insist nothing happened
But her body might be screaming something else entirely.
There’s a scene in the film Adolescence where a girl pretends to be okay with her boyfriend’s behaviour. She’s smiling — but her breathing is shallow and her eyes are darting. It’s subtle but her body is telling the truth.
This happens to girls every day.
And when we respond with panic, punishment or overreaction, we risk shutting down the very openness we’re trying to build.
What she needs is safety.
What she needs is presence.
Before she can speak, she has to feel safe in her own body.
So What Can You Do?
The first step is to regulate before you react.
Your role isn’t to demand answers or call the school in a rage — even if you’re seething inside.
Your role is to say (with your energy, not just your words):
“I’m here. I’m calm. I can hold this with you.”
When she feels you are grounded, she learns that she can be, too.
Try This: Tabata Together
Here’s a practical tool to build that safety, especially after she’s had a rough day or seems shut down:
Do a 4-minute Tabata session together.
It’s simple:
• 20 seconds of movement, 10 seconds rest — repeat for 4 minutes
• Choose any fun or silly movement: star jumps, shadowboxing, squats, bear crawls
Why it works:
• Burns off adrenaline
• Boosts dopamine and serotonin (feel-good brain chemicals)
• Helps regulate cortisol (the stress hormone)
No talking needed. No eye contact.
Just movement, breath, and presence.
You’re saying:
“You don’t have to explain everything.”
“I’m with you.”
“You’re safe.”
And if she opens up afterward — amazing.
If not — she still got a moment of regulation, of connection.
When She’s Ready: Teach These Tools
Once she’s regulated — and only then — it’s time to build some practical skills:
1. Clear, firm language
> Say “Don’t touch me” or “Stop doing that.”
> Short, direct and specific.
2. Confident posture
> Stretch up from your spine, plant your feet.
> Your body language tells the story before your words do.
3. Serious facial expression
> If you smile, it can send mixed messages.
> A calm, serious face reinforces the boundary.
Practise these together in calm moments — even make it a game — so she has them ready when it really counts.
Final thoughts
“Boys will be boys” is not an excuse.
It’s a red flag — and your daughter needs you to see it for what it is.
She doesn’t need you to panic.
She needs you grounded.
She needs you to help her feel safe in her own body.
And she needs tools — ones that are kind, clear, and empowering.
This week’s challenge:
Move with her. Shake it out. Tabata. Go for a walk. Let movement lead.
Then, when she’s ready, remind her:
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to take up space.
You deserve respect — always.
Need More Support? I’ve Got You
If you’re craving connection and tools to make this journey less lonely, come join us in our FB community for mums navigating the teen years together
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Grab your free guide WTF is Going On? Spoiler Alert - Nothing!
It’s short, practical, and full of real tools to help your daughter feel safer in her body - and help you feel more confident as a parent.
And if this resonated with you, please leave a comment or subscribe to the newsletter.
You’re not alone — and you don’t have to get it all right. You just have to be her safe space.
You’ve got this - and I’m right here with you.
No matter how things feel right now, I promise - you won’t feel like this forever.
Let’s be proactive, not reactive!
We’re in this together.
Rach x
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