Her Behaviour Isn’t Random - It’s a Message in Disguise
If you would prefer to listen rather than read click the link below and don’t forget to hit subscribe so you can be one of the first when I release a new episode
Why understanding her brain, body, and energy shifts can change everything
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “What just happened? One minute she was fine, the next she’s in floods of tears or shouting over nothing…” — you’re not alone.
And no, she’s not being dramatic.
She’s not lazy or disrespectful or trying to push your buttons.
She’s communicating.
Not with words — but with her body, emotions, and behaviour.
When you understand what’s happening underneath those meltdowns, moods, or quiet withdrawals, things get a whole lot clearer — and much less stressful for both of you.
Let’s break it down.
Here’s What’s Really Going On
1. Her Emotions Are Signals, Not “Bad Behaviour”
Your daughter’s brain is still under construction — especially the part responsible for reasoning, planning, and emotional regulation. That part, the prefrontal cortex, isn’t fully developed until around age 25.
Meanwhile, her amygdala (the emotional centre) is fully online and running the show. So when emotions hit — they hit hard. In fact, studies show that teen girls feel emotions two to three times more intensely than adults. And they often feel them in the body before they can even name them.
That means:
• Slamming the door might mean she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to say it.
• A sudden outburst could be a mix of tiredness, anxiety, and hormone shifts.
• Withdrawing might be her way of staying safe when she doesn’t feel in control.
When you can pause and ask yourself, “What might her body be trying to say right now?” — everything softens. It’s not about excusing poor behaviour, but about understanding the why behind it.
And here’s the game-changer: your calm nervous system helps regulate hers. This is called co-regulation — when you breathe slower, speak softer, and ground yourself, you become her anchor in the storm.
2. The Female Energy Cycle is Real
Most of us were never taught this - but girls and women don’t run on a 24 hour energy cycle unlike men. We run on a 28 day rhythm and it affects everything - mood, focus, energy, sensitivity..even how social we feel (and nope it’s not because there’s something wrong with you.)
Even if your daughter hasn’t started her period as yet, the patterns can still be felt. Based on Kate Northrup’s work (red her fab book Do Less), here’s how the cycle flows:
Week 1 (Menstruation): Low energy, more emotional — think “inner winter.”
Week 2 (Follicular): Energy builds, motivation returns — “spring.”
Week 3 (Ovulation): Peak energy, confidence, sociability — “summer.”
Week 4 (Luteal): Slows down, sensitivity increases — “autumn.”
If she’s feeling fragile, low, or irritable — it’s not random.
It’s a season. And just like we don’t blame winter for being cold, we shouldn’t blame her for needing more space or rest.
When you start to spot these patterns together, you can plan, support, and gently adjust expectations — for both of you.
3. One Practical Tip: Get Her Barefoot
Sounds too simple, right? But here’s the truth: grounding — literally putting bare feet on the earth — helps regulate the nervous system, lower stress hormones, and calm the body.
When she’s spiralling, overwhelmed, or even just edgy — take her outside. Five minutes. No shoes. On grass, soil, sand — whatever you’ve got.
Better yet? Make it playful. Kick a ball. Jump around. Balance on a log.
Play is how girls release stress. It’s not “being silly” — it’s nervous system medicine.
So What Can You Do, Mum?
Her behaviour isn’t random.
It’s not personal.
It’s not broken.
It’s her body and brain doing exactly what they’re meant to do — even if it looks messy in the process.
When you see those tricky moments as messages, not misbehaviour, you shift from reacting to responding. And you become the calm, connected support she truly needs.
Your Mini-Challenge This Week
Spend 5 minutes barefoot outside with your daughter.
No agenda. No pressure. Just play. Even better if you’re both laughing — that’s healing in action.
Need More Support? I’ve Got You
Join our FB community for mums navigating the teen years together
Follow me on Instagram for daily tips and real talk
Grab your free guide WTF is Going On? Spoiler Alert - Nothing!
It’s short, practical, and full of real tools to help your daughter feel safer in her body - and help you feel more confident as a parent.
You’ve got this - and I’m right here with you.
No matter how things feel right now, I promise - you won’t feel like this forever.
Let’s be proactive, not reactive!
We’re in this together.
Rach x
If you like what you read then…
Share the Love:
If you found this post helpful, share it with another mum who might need a little extra encouragement this season.
Let’s keep whispering together - your teen is listening, even if she doesn’t always show it.
Click on the above links to be one of the first to receive new updates or check out my website at www.theteenwhisperer.co.uk.
Connect with me on Voxer (a walkie talkie app) at RachelFriedli teenwhisperer
Follow me on Instagram
Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
I look forward to connecting and working with you.
