Feeling Arrgh This Time of Year?
Candle flame in amongst lights
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When Was the Last Time You Did Something Just for You?
When was the last time you did something purely for yourself? Not for your family, not for work - just for you? If that question made you pause, you’re not alone.
Picture this: you’re racing through your to-do list, juggling work, family, and everything in between. You’re exhausted, frazzled, and probably feeling guilty for even thinking about taking a break. Sound familiar? If so, keep reading, because this post is for you. Today, we’re talking about why mums need to prioritise their own needs - not last, but first - and how doing so benefits your family and your teens.
Recognizing the Signs of Over-Functioning
Let’s start with a hard truth: over-functioning takes a toll. You might feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or even resentful as you carry the weight of keeping everything together. This emotional load shows up in your body too - tight shoulders, shallow breathing, and a constant sense of exhaustion.
Perhaps you’ve noticed yourself forgetting things, losing patience with your teens, or feeling like you’re running on empty. These are your body’s warning signs that it’s time to pause. Ignoring them can lead to burnout, disconnection, and an inability to show up as the parent, partner, or person you truly want to be.
The Physiology of Stress
What’s happening in your body when you’re stretched too thin? Chronic stress pushes your nervous system into fight-or-flight mode, flooding you with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this constant state of overdrive depletes your energy and impacts your emotional regulation.
Here’s the thing: your teens are watching. They’re learning from you, observing how you manage stress and self-care. If they see you running on empty, they’re more likely to repeat the same patterns in their own lives.
But there’s hope. Studies show that when you prioritise self-care - setting boundaries, resting, and nurturing yourself - you improve your ability to manage emotions, strengthen relationships, and prevent burnout. According to the Journal of Happiness Studies, individuals who make time for themselves report greater life satisfaction and lower stress levels. And when you thrive, your teens take notice and benefit too.
A Personal Wake-Up Call
Let me share a personal story. Last year, on the 19th of November, I was painting my daughter’s room when she asked about my plans for the week. I rattled off my packed schedule, and she simply said, “That’s a lot on your plate, Mum.” She was right, but at the time, I didn’t feel like I had a choice.
Later that day, while walking the dog, I slipped and fell. By 4 pm, my plate was quite literally empty - I’d broken both bones in my wrist and dislocated my radioulnar joint.
That moment forced me to stop. It wasn’t just the physical pain that struck me - it was the realisation that I had ignored all the signs my body had been sending me. My overloaded schedule, racing thoughts, and constant adrenaline rush were unsustainable. Something had to give.
Breaking the Cycle
Why do we mums push ourselves so hard? Often, it’s tied to the belief that being a “good mum” means putting everyone else’s needs first. But here’s what really happens when we do that:
Physically: Chronic stress floods our bodies with cortisol, affecting our mood, memory, and ability to think clearly.
Emotionally: We become irritable and less patient with the people we love.
Generational Impact: Our teens learn from us. If they see us burning out, they may internalise the idea that adulthood means self-sacrifice and exhaustion.
The good news? By understanding these patterns, we can break them. Prioritising our needs isn’t selfish - it’s a gift to our families.
3 Simple Tools to Reclaim Your Well-Being
Here are three small, actionable ways to start putting yourself first today:
Pause and Breathe:
Feeling overwhelmed? Take 30 seconds to breathe deeply. Inhale and exhale. Pair this with a mantra like, “I am enough,” to ground yourself in the moment. Put one hand on your belly and one on your chest, feeling the hand on your belly rise as you inhale and lower as you exhale.
Step Outside:
Even a minute outdoors can reset your nervous system. Stand on your doorstep, feel the air on your face, and let nature remind you to pause. If you have time, walk barefoot oitside - this grounding practice can restore balance and bring a sense of peace.
Reflect Before Bed:
Each night, ask yourself: “What’s one kind thing I did for myself today?” Whether it was drinking your tea while it was hot or taking a five-minute breather, celebrate those moments of care.
Modelling Self-Care for Your Teens
Your teens are watching and learning. By taking care of yourself, you’re modelling healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, and the importance of rest. These lessons will stick with them far longer than your to-do list ever could.
Let’s Stay Connected
Looking for more tips and encouragement? Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at @theteenwhisperer, where I share daily wisdom for navigating life with teens. And if you’re craving a supportive community of mums, join the waitlist for the Mum2Mum Connection - a space where mums of teenagers can share, connect, and grow together.
A Final Thought
Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. By prioritising your needs, you’re teaching your teens that balance, boundaries, and self-care are vital parts of life.
As you navigate the chaos of the Christmas season (and beyond), remember this: you deserve care too. Let’s choose to be proactive rather than reactive. When you thrive, your family thrives.So, as you tackle the chaos of the holidays, remember: let’s be proactive rather than reactive. You deserve care, too.
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Rach x
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