Why She Won’t Own It…
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Why She Won’t Own It (And How to Fix It)
Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of nagging, reminding, and begging your daughter to take responsibility for her actions?
Maybe she agreed to do something, didn’t follow through, and now somehow it’s your fault. Or she left her schoolwork to the last minute - again - and now you’re the one getting blamed for not reminding her. And let’s not even start on the never-ending battle over tidying her room!
It’s exhausting, frustrating, and honestly? A little worrying. Because if she can’t take responsibility for the small stuff now, how will she ever manage the big stuff later?
You are not alone in this. And no, she’s not destined to live in your house forever, incapable of making decisions. There’s a real reason she struggles with responsibility right now, and it has everything to do with what’s happening in her body, brain, and nervous system.
So, let’s break it down - why she won’t own it, what’s really going on beneath the surface, and how you can help her step up (without the constant battles).
How It Shows Up: The Reality Check
Let’s paint the picture.
It’s the evening before. You remind her - nicely, at first - to get her things ready for tomorrow. She groans, rolls her eyes, and says, I’ll do it later.
Later comes. She still hasn’t done it. You remind her again. She snaps, I KNOW, MUM!
Next morning? She’s scrambling to find everything, stressed, and blaming you for not reminding her earlier. And you’re left standing there thinking, Are you kidding me?!
Or maybe it’s a bigger responsibility. You ask her to help out - do the dishes, walk the dog, whatever. She says she will, but then… nothing. And when you bring it up? You get the sigh, the Oh, I forgot, or the classic Why do you always nag me?
Cue the frustration, the lectures, and the WHY CAN’T SHE JUST DO WHAT SHE SAYS SHE WILL? moments.
And here’s the kicker - you know she’s capable. You’ve seen her take responsibility when it matters to her. So why can’t she just do it consistently?
What’s Really Going On? (Hint: It’s Not Just Attitude)
The short answer? Her brain and body aren’t wired for responsibility yet.
1. Her Brain Is Still Developing
Her prefrontal cortex - the part responsible for planning, impulse control, and thinking ahead - is still under construction. Meanwhile, her limbic system (the emotional reaction center) is firing at full speed.
Translation? She reacts first and thinks later. She might want to take responsibility, but in the moment, impulse wins.
2. Her Nervous System Is in Overdrive
If she’s stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally dysregulated, her brain literally shuts down logical thinking. She goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. That’s why, when she feels criticised or pressured, she either:
• Snaps (fight),
• Completely shuts down (freeze), or
• Avoids responsibility altogether (flight).
3. Her Body Is Exhausted
Hormones, school stress, social pressure, screen time - all of this affects her ability to regulate emotions and make decisions. If she’s running on empty, responsibility feels impossible.
And here’s the thing - you might be experiencing this too. If you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsupported, it’s so much harder to stay calm and guide her through this.
The Bigger Picture: UK Statistics
This isn’t just happening in your house. The numbers show a wider pattern:
• 1 in 3 teenage girls report feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities, leading to avoidance and procrastination.
• Over 60% of UK teens say they struggle with emotional regulation when faced with stress.
• More than half of UK parents report daily conflicts with their teens over responsibility and independence.
So if this feels like a battle? It’s not just you. And it’s not just her.
3 Simple, Practical Tools to Help Right Now
So, what can you actually do to help her build responsibility - without endless nagging or frustration?
1. Regulate First, Then Teach
Before she can take responsibility, she needs to be in a calm, regulated state. If she’s overwhelmed, arguing, or emotional, her brain literally can’t process what you’re saying.
• Instead of lecturing mid-meltdown, help her regulate first.
• Take deep breaths together, go for a short walk, or just give her space to cool down.
• Once she’s calm, then have the conversation about responsibility.
2. Use ‘When-Then’ Statements
Instead of nagging, try reframing it:
• “What’s going on for you?”
This keeps the responsibility with her, without needing constant reminders.
3. Model Responsibility Yourself
She learns responsibility by watching you. If you mess up, own it. Show her that responsibility isn’t about being perfect—it’s about acknowledging mistakes and making changes.
Try saying:
• “I forgot to grab milk today - that’s on me. I’ll go now.”
• “I didn’t handle that conversation well earlier. Let’s try again.”
When she sees you take responsibility, it becomes normal for her too.
You’re Not Alone in This
If this all sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. This isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up. And if all you did today was read this and take a deep breath? That’s enough.
Want more tools to help you navigate the teenage years with more confidence and connection?
👉 Download my free WTF Is Going On?! Guide - it’s packed with practical insights to help you decode what’s really happening in her brain, body, and heart.
Because this isn’t just a phase to ride out. It’s a message. And I’ll show you how to decode it.
And if you want to keep this conversation going, check out the details below.
The WTF Community: Because You Shouldn’t Have to Do This Alone
When you’re raising a teenage girls, there are a lot of WTF moments.
WTF is going on with her mood today?
WTF just happened?
WTF am I supposed to do here?
But WTF isn’t just about those moments, it stands for What’s The Feeling?
Because behind every eye roll, slammed door and moment she pulls away. there’s a feeling. And the same goes for you too.
You are not failing. You are not imagining how hard this is. You are not meant to do this alone.
That’s why I created the WTF community - a space where you can be honest about the hard parts, get real strategies (instead of judgement), and finally stop feeling like you’re in this by yourself.
Because let’s be honest, there are a lot of WTF moments when parenting teen girls.
But here’s what it really stands for: What’s The Feeling?
Because moods aren’t just moods - they’re messages.
This isn’t a course.
It’s not a programme.
It’s a community.
A space for mums who get it. Who’ve stood exactly where you are right now.
A place where we talk about all this stuff openly - without shame, without judgment, without pretending everything’s fine.
When you have people who get it, you stop just surviving - you start to feel in control again.
So if you’re tired of carrying everything alone, come and join us. Because connection isn’t just helpful - it’s the thing that makes all the difference.
You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to keep running on empty.
Because parenting your daughter shouldn’t mean losing yourself in the process.
Let’s be proactive, not reactive!
We’re in this together.
Rach x
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Let’s keep whispering together - your teen is listening, even if she doesn’t always show it.
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I look forward to connecting and working with you.
