I’m losing her and I don’t know what to do…
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The Story I was Scared to Tell - And Why You Need to Hear It
I stood outside her bedroom door, my hand resting against the cold wood, heart pounding.
I wanted to knock.
I wanted to say the right thing
I wanted to fix this.
But i had no idea how.
How did we get here?
How did we go from having a laugh and enjoying life to this - me on one side of the door, her on the other, with a silence between us that felt impossible to cross?
Maybe you know this silence.
Maybe you’ve felt it in your own home.
The slammed doors
The eye rolls.
The one-word answers.
The quiet distance that feels like a thousand miles.
Maybe you’ve sat in your car, taking a deep breath before walking inside, bracing yourself for what mood she’s in today.
Maybe you’ve whispered to yourself at 2am:
What am I doing wrong?
Is this just being teenager, or am I losing her?
Will she ever come back to me?
If you have, I need you to hear this:
You are not failing.
She is not broken.
And you don’t have to do this alone.
The Moment Everything Changed
In 2020 we moved to our dream home in the Lake District.
A dream 20 years in the making.
A place where we could finally breathe, slow down, reconnect.
But just as we arrived, the world shut down.
And my daughter?
She shut down too.
At 15, she had always been the girl who lived for adventure - climbing, sailing, mountain biking, pushing her limits.
And then suddenly, it was all gone.
The friends.
The independence.
The life that made her feel like her.
She didn’t know what to do with that loss.
And neither did I.
And that’s when it started.
The moods.
The withdrawal.
The exhaustion.
She stopped leaving her room.
Stopped speaking to us.
Stopped being her.
And then came the day that still haunts me.
She barricaded herself inside her room.
Not because she was angry.
Not because she was rebellious,
But because she was terrified.
Terrified of what was happening inside of her.
Terrified of what she might do.
Terrified of hurting me.
And I stood there on the other side of the door, helpless.
Do I push?
Do I leave her alone?
Do I call someone?
I didn’t know the right answer.
So I walked on eggshells. Every single day.
Afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Afraid of doing the wrong thing.
Afraid of triggering something I couldn’t control.
And slowly, I disappeared too.
I wasn’t just losing her.
I was losing me.
The Truth No One Tells You About Teenage Girls
Mum, if this is hitting home - if your heart is pounding because you see yourself in these words - listen to me.
You are not failing.
She is not broken.
And this? This is not your fault.
But I get it.
No one tells us why this happens.
No one teaches us that when our daughters push us away, lash out - it’s not defiance. It’s survival.
No one tells us that when she’s not talking, her body is.
And because we don’t know, we start blaming:
Blaming ourselves.
Blaming them.
Thinking we’ve messed up.
Thinking they’re difficult.
But what if I told you it’s none of that?
What if I told you it’s her physiology, not her personality?
Her anxiety. Her anger. Her exhaustion. Her withdrawal.
They’re not random.
They’re not just hormones.
They’re messages.
Her body is screaming, I don’t feel safe.
Her nervous system is overwhelmed.
And her behaviour? It’s just the symptom.
No one taught us this.
But once I learned it, everything changed.
The Shift That Changed Everything
The day I stopped asking, What’s wrong with her?
And started asking, What is her body trying to tell me?
Everything shifted.
This saved my daughter’s life.
And it saved mine too.
Because this isn’t some parenting hack.
This is science.
A physiology first approach - understanding how the body drives emotions, how unmet needs turn into overwhelm, how behaviour is just the outward expression of an internal struggle.
And when you start seeing your daughter through this lens?
Everything makes sense.
This is what I teach inside WTF (What’s the Feeling?) - a space for mums who are done feeling powerless and are ready to finally understand what’s really going on beneath their daughter’s emotions, their moods, their silence.
Because when we stop trying to fix them and start truly seeing them?
That’s when everything shifts.
Want to Go Deeper?
If this story feels like your story - if you’re sitting there nodding your head, heart pounding, thinking this is me - I get it.
You are not alone.
You were never meant to do this alone.
Download my FREE guide - 5 signs your daughter isn’t just being moody (and what her body might be trying to tell you)
Because this isn’t just a phase to ride out. It’s a message. And I’ll show you how to decode it.
Exciting Next Steps…
If this resonated with you, I’ve got something that will help even more:
Join WTF - yup, great name, isn’t it?
Because let’s be honest, there are a lot of WTF moments when parenting teen girls.
But here’s what it really stands for: What’s The Feeling?
Because moods aren’t just moods - they’re messages.
This isn’t a course.
It’s not a programme.
It’s a community.
A space for mums who get it. Who’ve stood exactly where you are right now.
A place where we talk about all this stuff openly - without shame, without judgment, without pretending everything’s fine.
If that sounds like the support you need, come join us!
Because you don’t have to survive this alone.
We’re in this together.
Rach x
If you like what you read then…
Share the Love:
If you found this post helpful, share it with another mum who might need a little extra encouragement this season.
Let’s keep whispering together - your teen is listening, even if she doesn’t always show it.
Rach x
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Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
I look forward to connecting and working with you.
