The Pressure Trap Without The Burnout
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You know those mornings when your daughter says, “I can’t do it, Mum. I just can’t go to school/college/work today.”
And part of you wants to scream, “But you have to!” while another part is terrified, because you can see the panic in her eyes.
This isn’t laziness. It isn’t attitude.
It’s her body sending up a flare. 🚨
And today, we’re unpacking what that really means — and how you can help her reset.
This week we’re continuing this month’s theme - school stress and safety and today’s episode is all about educational pressure without emotional burnout and how to reset the basics: sleep, screens, nutrition, movement, and mood.
Because here’s the truth: so many of the struggles you’re seeing right now aren’t “attitude problems.”
They’re body and brain signals that she’s dysregulated — and she needs a reset.
Here’s what we know:
In The Girls’ Index, 79% of girls say they feel so much pressure they could explode.
The BeeWell study found girls are three times more likely than boys to report serious emotional struggles — and nearly half aren’t getting enough sleep.
And the UN has flagged that two-thirds of girls feel overwhelmed by schoolwork, a massive rise from just a few years ago.
And when I read the BMC Women’s Health study, it floored me.
Girls themselves said they feel like anxiety and low mood are “normal” for their generation. Not the exception — the expectation.
They named it straight:
🚺 Gender expectations: Be perfect, polite, pretty.
📚 Academic pressures: Be flawless, no mistakes allowed.
👯 Peer relationships: Full of competition, comparison, and conflict.
📱 Social media: A constant reminder of where you’re not enough.
And here’s the kicker: it’s not just our girls who are crumbling.
Teachers are bowing out from the pressure. Girls are bending under it. The system itself is cracked.
Education needs a massive overhaul. But here’s the thing, that’s not in my remit, and it’s not in yours either.
What is in our hands is how we, as mums, approach this pressure.
How we show our girls that their worth isn’t about being a stereotypical Ofsted achiever.
How we support them to become the best, most resilient, most connected version of themselves.
So if your daughter is struggling? It’s not because you’ve failed.
It’s because she’s swimming in pressure that even adults would crumble under.
Here’s what’s really going on.
When your daughter is under stress: whether that’s exams, friendship drama, or just the never-ending scroll of social media, her body flips into survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
Her heart races. Her breathing gets shallow. Her prefrontal cortex: the part of the brain that does rational decision-making, emotional regulation and organisation literally goes offline. And remember, it’s still developing until her mid-20s.
Add in hormones: cortisol pumping when she’s stressed, melatonin delayed by late-night screens, dopamine spiking and crashing with social media and suddenly, the girl who “won’t” focus on homework is actually the girl who can’t.
This isn’t weakness. This is biology.
And listen, if you’re hearing this and thinking, ‘Wow, I wish my daughter could hear some of this in a way that makes sense for her,’ I’ve got you. I actually host another podcast called Girl, You’ve Got This. It’s just for girls — where I talk to them directly, in their language, about what’s going on inside their heads and bodies, and how to handle it without feeling like they’re the only one struggling. So if you think she’d benefit, point her there. Let me be the one to say what she might not want to hear from you.
So what can we do?
This week, we’re keeping it simple: breath as the reset button.
Breath is your daughter’s emotional steering wheel. When she slows it down, her nervous system gets the signal: We’re safe. We’ve got this.
And yes, I hear you shouting loud in my ear — “breathwork, you have to be joking! She won’t do breathwork with me…” Ahh, but if you introduce it in a playful way, she’ll connect better. Sit on a yoga ball, outside on the grass, or even stand in a river — be different and she’ll tune into what you’re doing, not the words.
Here’s one you can try together.
I call it Simple Breathwork for Busy Brains. Because once you understand how our breath affects you, you can help yourself in the moment. And yes, it really is as simple as it sounds:
Place one hand on your chest and one on the mid part of your rib cage where the two sides connect
Breathe in and out through your nose, feeling your hands rise as you breathe in and lower as you breathe out
Do this for 3 breaths
Now repeat breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth ×3
Easy, eh? Yup, no counting, no holding your breath: just breathing, the proper way.
So why does it work?
Because breath is biology in action.
Most of us breathe too shallow, which keeps the body stuck in stress mode.
Deep belly breaths flip the vagus nerve on, and that tells the brain: we’re safe.
Just one minute of slower breathing can drop cortisol, clear your head, and get your focus back.
Think of it like this: breath is your daughter’s Wi-Fi reset button. When the signal’s scrambled, everything glitches. A few proper breaths? It’s like hitting reset, suddenly, her system reconnects and works again.
That’s why I call it her emotional steering wheel. Breath is the quickest way out of survival mode and back into calm.
Weekly Challenge
Your challenge this week: do this simple reset once a day - yup that’s it.
Make it simple. Make it doable. This isn’t about perfection, it’s about connection.
Hope + Connection
Because here’s the truth: your daughter isn’t broken. She doesn’t need fixing.
Her anxiety, her stress, her overwhelm - they’re messages.
Messages from her body saying: “I need support. I need rest. I need connection.”
And when we respond to those messages without shame, without blame, everything shifts.
So here’s what I want you to remember:
Teachers are bowing out. Girls are bending. The system? It’s creaking under its own weight and waiting for reform won’t save our daughters.
But here’s the thing: change starts at home.
Not with yet more pressure but with connection, regulation, and showing her that her worth isn’t tied to grades.
Because while the system is slow to change, you can show her right now, what it looks like to survive pressure without burning out.
That’s not just parenting. That’s leadership.
And don’t forget to grab my free 60 sec Reset tool. It’s there for the moments when the pressure is spilling over and you both need a lifeline.
✨ Mic drop line: “Anxiety isn’t your daughter failing — it’s her body protecting her. The reset starts there.”
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Let’s keep whispering together - your teen is listening, even if she doesn’t always show it.
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I look forward to connecting and working with you.
