What if we’ve been asking the wrong question?
What’s if we’ve been asking the wrong question?
Again.
And again.
And… again.
No, really think about it.
Not for one second.
Or even two.
Really sit with it.
When our daughters struggle, most of us ask
“What’s wrong with her?”
I get it.
Truly I do.
I used to ask the same question on an endless loop.
Time and time again.
Because that’s what we’ve been taught to do.
Find the problem.
Fix the problem.
Move on.
But what if…?
It’s the question that’s wrong, not our daughters?
Just let that sit for a moment.
What if we asked a different question?
Instead of:
“What’s wrong with her?”
What if we asked:
“What’s happening for her?”
They’re only a few words apart.
But they take us in completely different directions.
One makes us look for faults.
And the other helps us look for understanding.
Look at the picture above
What do you see?
A clear marble?
A drop of water?
A beautiful sunset reflected in it?
The beach?
The calm?
The stillness?
Maybe it makes you stop for a second and take a breath.
But what if you’re reading this after one of those days?
A day where your daughter has kicked off before you’ve even taken your coat off.
A day where the work has been relentless.
A day where you’ve barely had the time to think.
Would you notice the beauty in the picture?
Or would your brain skim straight past it?
The picture hasn’t changed.
You have.
And the same is true of the questions we ask.
“What’s wrong with her?”
That question often comes with fear.
What did I do wrong?
Why is she like this?
Is something seriously wrong?
Am I failing?
“What’s happening for her?”
This question brings curiosity instead.
What happened at school/college/university/work?
Where is she in her cycle?
How much sleep has she had?
When did she last eat a proper meal, not just a quick snack?
Has something happened with her friends?
Is she running on empty?
Can you feel the difference?
One question looks for someone to blame.
The other looks for something to understand.
And that’s why I always say…
Behaviour is Never Just About One Thing
It’s never just about the behaviour.
It’s about everything that’s happening underneath it.
And sometimes, the smallest change isn’t changing our daughters at all.
It’s changing the question we ask first.
Ready to go a little deeper?
If this blog made you stop and think, imagine what happens when you start connecting all the dots.
This is exactly what I do.
So if you’re a mum who wants to feel seen, understood, and less alone, while making sense of what’s really going on for your daughter, I’d love to welcome you into WTF - What’s The Feeling. A community where we slow everything down, connect the dots and help you stop second-guessing yourself.
And if your daughter’s ready for support too, The Whole Body Reset, may just be the way to go, to help them understand what’s going on inside their own bodies and minds, build confidence and develop the tools they need.
Because when mums and daughters grow together, that’s where the magic happens.
And if you’re not ready, feel free to check out my podcast - The Teen Whisperer - available on all major platforms.
Follow me on Instagram or LinkedIn
Feel free to book in a call to talk more about what’s happening in your home.
I look forward to connecting and working with you.
