Why Connection & Community is so important to you as a Mum of a teen daughter?
photo credit Hudson Hintze
So my daughter has had her 18th birthday and we’ve been away. Do you know what we were away 3 nights but it felt soo good. We feel nourished, chilled, relaxed, nourished and connected. We’ve had quality time together and time apart and it’s been absolutely eye opening.
But what’s hysterical is we literally went half an hour away from our front door, in the most amazing place where we felt held and connected. My daughter’s two friends came with their parents and we stayed in the same cottage together. It was about building that community, building that connection. For the adults, it was mind blowing as we shared the understanding that they’re not alone in our relationship with our teen daughters.
Having this connection means you can build a community, we can build that like and trust to help us as parents feel that we’re not alone. It blew all of our minds and this is HUGE and this is what I want to do in all of my business - all of my teen work; because it is so important as Mums and Dads of teen girls to have that connection to one another. We can speak to one another who understand, who get it, who don’t poo poo you and try to push it under the carpet going ‘It’ll be fine in a few years, just grit your teeth and just get on with it.’
Life’s not like that and yes this is my mission - and since I’ve come back.my mind has been on fire and inspired to take this so far forward.
So as you may or may not know, I’ve been hit by imposter syndrome yet again and it’s stopped me in my tracks AGAIN. It’s been holding me back yet again and even though i am there on social media, I’m not there if you get my drift. I move forward, then go oh s*it this is scary, I can’t and I fall back again.
But do you know what? I know this work is so empowering, I have clients telling me this work is AMAZING so it’s just like I have to get this message out there.
So today’s blog is about CONNECTION
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Has your bond with your daughter unravelled overnight?
Do you no longer feel like there’s any kind of connection?
Are you locked into a clash of wills?
You want that connection, you want that love, you want that doing the things together that you had with her as a child. It’s ok, you CAN get that back, I am here 100% to say you can get that back.
But if I was to say…YOU ARE NOT ALONE, when I was away with these other Mums and Dads, they said it was just nice to connect on a level playing field to just breathe and let that weight go, decompress and just got phew. One of the Mums came to me for support and do you know what? That feeds my soul, that makes me feel that this work is so needed especially right now, when anxiety is on the increase a nd mental health issues too.
Too often we are told by professionals, cultural/societal expectations and well meaning friends, that all of this is ‘normal’ and you just have to put up with it; after all it’s just a rite of passage that they go through to get to adulthood. If you carry on doing the same, over and over, then you won’t have the connection.
Ah ha, but what if I told you….?
it doesn’t have to be this way
there is a much easier and more natural way
a strong, mutual and flexible bond is totally possible that provides the support you both need
Parenting your teen daughter isn’t only about her, it’s about you too to learn and grow together in your relationship. A fine example is if you were doing a further qualification as I did last year, if you were to learn all the information once, would you learn anything? No of course you wouldn’t, but that’s what we are told about parenting because you learnt how to care for her as a baba. But she’s no longer a baba so you need to change your approach..
What would you say if I told you there is an easier way?
I want it… but is it really possible? Aren’t our teen girls just supposed to be argumentative? After all that’s what we are told time and time again. Isn’t that just the way they are made and just due to their hormones?
Er 😐 nope, well it is and it isn’t …their hormones aren’t actually the only thing at play here and here are a few little known facts:
1) Their brains 🧠 aren’t fully developed yet due to part of it not even being online - things like emotional stability, risk assessment, time management and organisational skills are totally non existent - says it all really doesn’t it?
2) The female brain 🧠 is completely different to the male brain - all of society is based on the male brain.
3) As women we have a 28day cycle as opposed to the male 1 day cycle. This means we have weeks where we have less energy and are unable to do tasks, weeks where we have more energy and are more focused and weeks where we can plan and collaborate with others.
Now does this make more sense?
Who wants to delve deeper into this and many other topics so you can get your relationship back on track?
Who wants to meet up with other Mums online and build a community to talk about their own experiences so you don’t feel as alone? Me, me, me - do you know what that would have been me hand right up in the air waving my hands around so people could see me.
That’s what we want at the end of the day - we want to be SEEN, VALUED and HEARD and that’s what the community space is about.
What if I told you that you already know how to parent your daughter?
It’s just society doesn’t believe in it, cos they think it’s a bit woo, spiritual, wishy washy.
What would you say? Dream on..this is the hardest time to be a parent, what have I got to do with it?
There is another, much easier and more natural way to parent your teen daughter, one in which you have a strong relationship based on trust and respect, that can provide the support both of you desperately need.
This is where I come in, I work with you to help you recognise the power you have within you - your intuition - so you can cultivate and use it to guide you so you can bring up your daughter your way. When we mother our daughters intuitively, we become conscious of our unconscious beliefs and behaviours meaning we can turn them around so we better support our teen daughters. We can do this together!
Conscious parenting is not perfect parenting. It is a daily practice that doesn’t have perfection as its end game. It’s not a one size fits all approach and it’s definitely not a one hit wonder. It’s a journey that you do alongside her, learning and growing in partnership together.
Through my own experience of bringing up my teen daughter and going from the walking on eggshells, the screaming hissy fits, the regular meltdowns, the kickoffs where I would get hurt, where I would feel like a complete and utter failure, where I would feel at a complete loss and where I would like to get in my car and just drive off. I now have a relationship with my teenage daughter, where my consciousness and confidence grew both in myself and in my role as her Mum.
Working with her day in, day out, allowed me to discover the 4 keys of connection - YOU, UNDERSTANDING, COMMUNICATION and CONNECTION and before you ask, yes they work. The more information you can arm yourself with, the more you will understand what is happening for her meaning you can support her with what’s actually going on in her life, without getting into disagreements.
I have spent years tweaking this approach so that it works, I have read all the information - books, research, papers - so you don’t have to. I have used it on my own teen daughters plus worked with many Mums and their daughters and have seen the transformative powers it has. It’s not rocket science in the slightest but it does require commitment on your part, to do this work.
We can get to the root cause of our teen daughter’s behaviours, so we can thrive not just survive in our relationships together. Let’s make this the norm rather than that of societal and cultural expectations. Imperfect parenting at its very core.
Jeepers ‘eck that was powerful, that was absolutely HUGE. If you want to connect with me check out my details below.
Take care
Rachel x
Let’s build a community of like minded Mums together
If you would like to find out more, check out my website
Vox me on Voxer (a walkie talkie app)
I’m on Instagram at teen.whisperer.nature
I’m also opening a slot in my diary for a Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call where you can tell me what’s happening for your teenage daughter so click the link and book in.
If you would love to reconnect with your teen daughter and have the relationship you’ve always dreamt of, check out my programmes:
Teen Whisperer Community Space
The Ripple Effect Joint Programme with your Teen Daughter
Teen Whisperer Individual Mentoring
Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call
Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
I look forward to connecting with you and working with you, take care Rachel x
