What happens when our teen daughters are peer orientated?
What does peer orientation mean to us as Mums of our teen daughters? How does it affect our relationship? Why not taking her behaviour towards you, helps to grow your relationship (within reason)
3 Insights into what happens to our teen daughters when they go to their friends for everything…
Peer orientation is where our teen daughters orientate to their friends for everything, rather than us and yeh this is what society tells us again and again, that is perfectly normal, but it’s not.
When I say they are going to their friends for all their information, I’m meaning their schooling, their emotional health, their relationships with parents, boyfriends, workload, pressure, stress - you name it - if they go to their friends for everything, then all it does is raise anxiety, both individually and collectively. So within their group of friends, anxiety is growing, when they’re on their own, anxiety is growing and this is because they’re going to their friends to answer all their questions on life rather than an adult.
Listen to the full episode here or if you prefer to read, carry on going to the exciting news at the end..
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Insight 1: You know those times when your teen daughter is kicking off at you and you haven’t got any idea what set her off, this is peer orientation at play.. I’ve been there, I’ve been there when my daughter’s kicking off at me, I’ve been there when she’s said all the hateful things that can come out of her mouth, but in her defence those hateful things are coming from the fact that she is scared, doesn’t know what’s going on, she feels at a loss, she feels confused, and she feels alone.
Insight 2: All those words that are coming out of her, are what she is thinking about herself, so once you understand the why she’s done it, it makes it a little easier. As I say all those words that she comes out with, those are the words that she’s aiming at herself because she feels scared, she feels lost, she feels pressured by society, pressured by education, she feels pressured by the shoulds of society.
There are so many things, so there are so many balls in the air that are literally being dropped constantly because our teen daughters don’t know what to do. The minority know what to do, majority of teen girls do not know what they want to do. Their future is such a long period of time and they’re still being fed to them now that the decision they make now has to last for their entire future, it doesn’t. It can last for the next six months, but that’s not what they’re being told.
Insight 3: Going back to this peer orientation, it’s society that makes us feel like this is how they should be, they should be with their friends, they shouldn’t be with their Mums but that’s not actually natural.
It’s not how it needs to be, it’s not how it can be with our teen daughters and that’s where the difference is, this is where I can help you to understand what’s going on for your teen daughter.
I can help you to understand what’s going on for you, I can help you and I can help you even if your teen daughter is peer orientated, so is focused completely on her friends right now and literally comes home to go to sleep, let rip at you and to eat their dinner, ask for money, wash and have their clothes washed and everything else, but we can bring them back in.
She isn’t lost, you can bring her back in, its just the fact that she has got herself in this vicious circle where she believes she is going to get all of her love, her connection, her bonding, her trust and respect from her friends, when actually it’s you who is the one, who can do the trust, the respect, the bonding, the connection, the guiding her forward into whatever she wants to do in her life. Only you are able to do that, and that’s huge in itself as well.
If you are interested and you want to find out more, or you like what you’re hearing, sign up for the waitlist for my new community membership programme that I am going to be launching on the 12th December, to start in the new year where we build a community of like minded Mums together. It’s about building trust and respect and understanding within Mums, because as Mums we are often poo pooed, we are told our teen daughters don’t need us.
Society tells us that, culture tells us that, they don’t need us, they need their friends, all of that..whatever..isn’t true.
By building this community together, we can believe ourselves, we can listen to our intuition, we can understand what’s going on for each other, we can be there for each other, we can just be a safe space where we are able to offload, where we are able to talk to one another, and this is huge for us Mums.
Take it on board, connect with me if you want to talk more, I offer a free 20 mins connection call, all can be booked below.
I’m also opening a slot in my diary for a Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call where you can tell me what’s happening for your teenage daughter so click the link
There you go, that’s today’s podcast episode.
If you would love to reconnect with your teen daughter and have the relationship you’ve always dreamt of, check out my programmes:
Teen Whisperer Community Space
The Ripple Effect Joint Programme with your Teen Daughter
Teen Whisperer Individual Mentoring
Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call
Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
Looking forward to speaking more, take care Rachel x
