How community & connection can transform your role as a Mum..
Why is connection & community so important for us as Mums? Why is being around Mums in similar situations so important for our mental health?
3 Insights into why we need to have like minded Mums around us supporting us in our roles as Mums of teen girls
I want to talk about community, love and connection and being around other people who are the same boat as you. As you know we have been brought up in a society that has told us that we ‘should’ be able to manage our teen daughter’s behaviours on our own, we have to sort it all out and we should be able to ‘fix’ her daughters behaviours when she kicks off. You know - the slamming the door in your face, the screaming at you, the angst, the shouting in your face, the rolling of their shoulders as they turn away from you - you know all those behaviours, but life doesn’t have to be this way.
There is a solid way of getting ourselves out of this and it’s something that’s been poo pooed in previous years and you’ve got to get help; there’s a behavioural issue going on for your daughter blah di blah di blah di blah. Actually do you know what? Something that is paramount to their health and wellbeing, and yours is to have other people around you who are going through the same things as you, simple eh?
Listen to the full episode here or if you prefer to read, carry on going to the exciting news at the end..
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Insight 1: Years gone by and I am talking years gone by when we were living in caves; you weren’t just a family, you weren’t just a ‘nuclear’ family living in your own cave, a family of 2+2 and that was your family unit. No, in a cave it wasn’t like that, you had people around you and it was about building a community and about being together and learning from one another. Now we are so insular and living in our own individual houses and we take our teens to school or college by ourselves and they’re not connecting with anyone else and we are not connecting with anyone else; that’s the huge thing. As women and girls, we are wired to be in connection, we are wired to be in a community setting and if that is taken away from us, we start floundering, we start drowning. So this is what I am going to talk to you about.
Insight 2: As you know I have a collie dog, I take her out every morning as you may know if you’ve seen my posts on instagram. That connection is real between me and her but I’ve worked at that relationship, I’ve worked at that connection, it didn’t come naturally. She’s my first dog, I had no idea what to do with a dog so we’ve built on that relationship, we’ve worked on it, we’ve used tools, we’ve played games, we have excitement and fun together.
We’ve also been meeting up with a friend who has a collie. So my collie is approx 5 years old and is rescue, her collie is 12/18mths, so quite a big gap. Maisie my collie has had pups so this friend’s collie, is a pup to her. They were out on a walk together, they were both off lead and they were ‘working’ together; one plays, the other one chases, that one then runs and the other chases and they work together to build that relationship. As I say we were on the fells, off lead and suddenly my friend’s dog flew off in another direction and my friend tried calling her and whistling but nothing. So I put Maisie on the lead, took her down in the field to find my friend’s dog had found a sheep and was herding said sheep backwards and forwards. Luckily the sheep stood still but my friend’s dog was wearing herself out. My friend tried to catch her but couldn’t, I tried to help but neither of us could stop the dog from herding.
I suddenly had an insight (lightbulb moment) Maisie and her dog were working as a team so to put Maisie at the bottom of the field where my friend’s dog couldn’t see her, it didn’t work. Sound familiar? So as soon as I brought Maisie up, the two of them worked together and as Maisie laid down, my friend’s dog laid down and my friend was able to catch up and put her back on the lead.
Insight 3: If that can happen in the dog world, it needs to happen in our world, we need to build a community, connection and love of like minded Mums and through that I am offering some exciting news within this space.
In January I will be launching the only (as far as I am aware) community programme for Mums of teen girls, so it’s a chance of finding out what’s going on for our teenage girls. It’s a 12 month programme but it’s a chance for you to be with other like minded Mums who think the same way as you. So you’re not going to have the 2+2 = 365, you’re not going to have the ‘ooh your child’s gt behaviour problems, you need to be referred, you’re not going to have any of the poo pooing, you’re not going to have any of the fix it behaviours that come out of so many people’s mouths.This is building a community of like minded Mums, so yeh it’s exciting, it’s inspiring and if we can learn from our dogs, then we know communication, connection, community is key and from this I am going to take this forwards and offer retreats for you and your teen daughter. It’s going to be about connection, love and about doing things together, it’s about understanding, it’s about communicating so they don’t kick off, it’s about being true to yourself as to what you want out of your life. It’s about mirroring your behaviour to her so if you want to see something happening in her, you need to change your behaviour first so that she mirrors you. She’s not going to do it unless you start doing that behaviour so it’s not about us being in control of our teenage daughters, we’re still the adult and there still the chid but it’s about us guiding them.
So this is HUGE, this is MASSIVE, and I am so EXCITED. Over the next few weeks I am going to be talking about the programme, the community, I am gong to be talking about how it will make you feel as a Mum.
If you want to find out more check out the page below or sign up to the waitlist over on instagram at teen.whisperer.nature and the news will be coming.. I’m opening the doors on the 12th December.
Take it on board, connect with me if you want to talk more, I offer a free 20 mins connection call, all can be booked below.
I’m also opening a slot in my diary for a Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call where you can tell me what’s happening for your teenage daughter so click the link
There you go, that’s today’s podcast episode.
If you would love to reconnect with your teen daughter and have the relationship you’ve always dreamt of, check out my programmes:
Teen Whisperer Community Space
The Ripple Effect Joint Programme with your Teen Daughter
Teen Whisperer Individual Mentoring
Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call
Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
Looking forward to speaking more, take care Rachel x
