So..it’s Christmas, are you aware of that? 3 Tools to help you to cope..

Yup we’ve got 10 days until Christmas Eve and how are you feeling about it?

How are you feeling in yourself? How are you coping? Just tune into that for a little while..and breathe

I wanted to put this in place now so you have the tools at your fingertips to manage your Christmas without having to go through Christmas first and then I introduce you to this.

So  as you may or may not be aware I held a masterclass on Monday, a Teen Whisperer masterclass as a potential lead in to the community membership launching in January where we have space where like minded Mums gets together, likeminded Mums who want to connect with their teenage daughters, like minded Mums who want to help them without telling them what to do, like minded Mums who want to do the anti of traditional parenting strategies, who want to build a relationship based on trust and respect not coercion and punishment.

Listen to the full episode here or if you prefer to read, carry on going..

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It was in this masterclass that I introduced you to the one misunderstood and commonly missed step in building that better relationship with your teen daughter, and it’s the one that all my programmes start with and it’s YOU. Yes you did read that correctly and before you say but aren’t I trying to work with my teenage daughter? Isn’t it about her and her behaviours?

It is but it’s also about understanding what’s going on for you and that is huge in itself. So as you know I have built these programmes on my own experience of being a Mum of a teen daughter; my own story when I kept asking for help from other people say health and education professionals ‘oh my god something’s going on here, something’s going wrong’ and they all kept telling me it was my parenting that was at fault and I had to be more rigid and more structured. Every time I brought that in, things escalated at home and got far far worse because I wasn’t putting into place - ME - I wasn’t understanding my place in all of this, my role in helping my teenage daughter.

Our teenage daughters don’t develop on their own, they develop in partnership with US, we grow and learn together but we can’t do that if we don’t know what’s going on for us.

Tool 1: Boundaries - If we can’t put ourselves first, if we don’t put boundaries in place for us, then our teen daughters cannot see that by making space for themselves, they can understand what is happening for them. Boundaries are key to making sure you stay safe, so by having a safe space within the home, whilst you’re out and at work are paramount to your health and wellbeing. Making space for yourself each and every day, like having a cup of tea on your own whilst reading a magazine and letting others know this space is yours.

Anything you need to put into place, you do it because you are so important in your relationship with your teen daughter and as I say it’s not understood by the professionals, it’s not understood by parenting experts out there.

Tool 2: Not tolerating certain behaviours - When our teen daughters know these behaviours are not going to be tolerated and that we will not accept them speaking to us a certain way; we guide them in understanding what is acceptable and what isn’t.

Tool 3: Safe Spaces - Having a safe space within the home, whilst you’re out and at work are paramount to your health and wellbeing. So a safe space is somewhere within the home that you can retreat to if your teen daughter is escalating. She also has to have a safe space so for her, more often than not it’s her bedroom but for you, you can choose where you want it to be and then you make it known to her if her behaviours are escalating, then you can go ‘I’m going to my safe space’ or if you feel that the inside of the house isn’t for you, you go for a dog walk or to the nearest cafe or whatever,

If we don’t do that for ourselves, how can we build a better relationship for our teen daughters? The simple answer is we can’t and we will resort to those traditional parenting strategies time and time again, which then escalate the situation, making your teen daughter hate you, not want to spend any time with you. That’s when everything else comes into play, that’s when the labels come into play, that’s when the ‘I can’t do this, what else is going on, something’s really seriously wrong here’ and that’s when your teenage daughter’s behaviours can get so far worse - that’s when they will escalate, they can result in eating disorders, self harming and attacking themselves.

So by you putting yourself first helps your teen daughter and as I say this is the one commonly misunderstood and missed step of building that relationship with your teen daughter because everyone looks externally to what’s going on out there rather than what’s going on within you.

YOU are the key to unlocking a better relationship with your teen daughter and that is massive, especially at Christmas where it all becomes about you doing everything for everyone else and by the way it’s not up to you, your job is to look after you first and foremost and the more you do of that, the more your teen daughter can see what you are doing and can reflect it back into her own life.

Remember her behaviours mirror a need so if your behaviours mirror her behaviours, can you understand it? It reflects onto her, it reflects that by you putting yourself first, she can put herself first. She can make that space for her needs and that is huge and empowering and it’s life changing.

I am working with clients right now and in the past, who without this step of YOU, you cannot build that better relationship. It’s about a safe space for you as Mums who want a better relationship with your teen daughter, you want to build a relationship based on trust and respect, who want to connect and enjoy these years together, who want to thrive in your relationship, not just survive as we are commonly told.

We talked about it and on that note if you missed it, I am going to be hosting another masterclass either between Christmas and the New Year or in the New Year, so please connect with me via the links below.

Start your Christmas off the right way, put your needs in place first and foremost and then you can build on this throughout Christmas. As I just touched on, it’s not your job to do everything; I know we see it on media, adverts, anything printed, cultural and societal expectations, passed down mother to mother down the mother line. You are the one who does it all, you are the one who juggles all those balls, you are the one who multitasks. Actually you’re not, you need to ask for help with anything that needs it doing, you cannot do it all. You can do it together with your family as I am..

Take care

Rachel x

Let’s build a community of like minded Mums together

I am around over Christmas though may not answer your question right away so if you want to talk to me, book in a connection call via my website which is www.positivetouch.net

I’m on insta at teen.whisperer.nature

I’m also opening a slot in my diary for a Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call where you can tell me what’s happening for your teenage daughter so click the link

If you would love to reconnect with your teen daughter and have the relationship you’ve always dreamt of, check out my programmes:

Teen Whisperer Community Space

The Ripple Effect Joint Programme with your Teen Daughter

Teen Whisperer Individual Mentoring

Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call

Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.

I look forward to connecting with you and working with you, take care Rachel x

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