You’re not Alone - tales of arrgh to ahh
Me sitting in ferns writing in my journal, looking over to the right, surrounded by beauty of nature, on my own
Ugh, what now?
So we have a situation this end…
My daughter volunteers at a local outdoor education centre, but today hasn’t got out of bed. I had told her that she needed to go as she had said committed to them but that she could be late, her reply was to barricade herself into her room.. umm..
Now before you go saying ‘ooh I wouldn’t allow her to do that’, I didn’t, she bought the lock and attached it to her door.
So how have I reacted?
Have I screamed and shouted at her to get her arse into gear and out the door?
Erm 🫤 nope
Have I had an internal meltdown that it’s all my fault and I need to fix it?
Erm 🫤 nope
So what have I done?
Nothing…
Before you say/scream nothing?! Bear with.. and read on
I have however taken some time out to pause, breathe and connect with myself about how her behaviour is making me feel..
It’s making me feel sad that she’s missing out and yes I could go down the route of:
No one’s going to offer her a job…
She’s never going to learn..
Hiding in her room won’t fix anything..
BUT do you know what?
What’s the point…
She’s in her room (her safe space) probably with her headphones on, listening to music or watching something on her iPad.
She’s doing what she needs to cos she’s scared
She’s doing it cos she feels like she hasn’t got a choice
She’s doing what she needs cos she knows it’ll calm her down
I know that she’ll come out of her room when she’s ready to face the world again (what I don’t know is how long that’ll be..)
I just have to believe and trust in her ability to know when the time is right…
We all hide when life becomes too much, some people eat, take drugs or drink alcohol, my daughter locks herself in her safe space and for that I am eternally grateful.
Yes distraction and faffing are a big part of her life but she’s learning..
She’s learning how to negotiate the adult world at her pace and that’s ok
She can only do these things one baby step at a time..
After all she’s only just 18…
So what is the moral of this tricky situation?
If we continually rescue and enable our teen girls, they won’t learn to make mistakes themselves
if we continually fix it for them, they won’t learn to understand why mistakes are a natural part of life that is paramount to their progress, health and wellbeing
All they’ll learn is that they can’t do it for themselves and they won’t have any belief in their own abilities, as we will always do it for them.
That’s not a lesson, that’s prison.
So what can you do to support yourself and your daughter if you find yourself in a similar situation?
Pause
Take a deep breath or several if needed
Connect to what’s happening within you:
What are your thoughts about the situation?
How is it making you feel?
Sit with those feelings and allow them to pass over you like a wave - think of yourself as the surfer on that wave
not under it
Take a break…
Continue with normality (whatever that is..)
Take care
Rach x
If you like what you read then…
Watch this space over the next few weeks for new and exciting plans to support you and your teenage daughter both in person and online…there’s a lot happening behind the scenes!!
However in the meantime, check out my website at www.positivetouch.net
Vox me on Voxer (a walkie talkie app) at RachelFriedli teenwhisperer
Follow me on Instagram at teen.whisperer.nature
I’m also opening a slot in my diary for a Teen Whisperer 90mins Power Call where you can tell me what’s going on for you and your teenage daughter
Feel free to get in touch or book in a call to talk more.
I look forward to connecting with you and working with you, take care Rach x
