“Life is too short to be fearful” a blog about courage and change…
Two words that mean much the same thing when you’re talking about teens with chronic ill health. To be able to move forward and believe that you have a choice so things can change needs a huge amount of courage. Now normally when trying to find that courage, other emotions like fear, anger, frustration, denial and hurt all come up in its place to send them or us, off from believing in that courage. This is what happened here on Wednesday night, everything got blown out of all proportion and literally imploded then exploded.
How I look after myself is inter-connected to how my teen copes with her emotions
Unfortunately, I’ve been ill with the flu 🤒 now for the last six or seven days and have had to relinquish everything just so I can focus on being ill. Yup that’s literally all I’ve had the headspace for, the last time my temperature was this high I was rushed into theatre, luckily it’s not that acute this time, but it’s been a big enough jolt to give me a huge awakening to what I’ve been doing (again!) Being forced to take a step back has been so very hard for me as not only do I support my teen with most things, I also do as much as I can in the house, oh yeh plus trying to run my own business. Having something so dramatic stop you from doing anything has been a real-life lesson on ‘How NOT to look after yourself’.
All this has happened in what should have been one of the best weeks for my daughter so far – enrolling at college – but unfortunately, me getting the flu has put paid to that in one of the most unceremonious ways. Although I did manage to sort it in the end, the whole not knowing thing resulted in extreme fear on her part that resulted in a massive meltdown (though having said that..as I write this, she enrolled in college on Friday and is due to start next week).
What have I learnt from being this ill? Life lessons and all that…
Having had time to do nothing but be in the moment and have some pretty weird dreams, I realise now with the amazing insight of hindsight, that instead of letting my family support me and asking my husband and daughter for help, I have gone into full-on stress mode (yet again) and only focused on what I could or couldn’t do.
I so focused in on college prep that I hadn’t let anything take me off course and this, unfortunately, included my health. My body has been telling me I needed a break for the past month and I just thought that if I dropped a few more balls, that I would manage and it would all be ok. But what exactly am I teaching my daughter here? That it’s ok to keep going when you feel sh** ?💩
The weird thing is that I honestly thought I was doing so well to keep most of the balls in the air BUT and this is a huge BUTT – J Lo anyone?! Sorry random humour there 🤣🤣…. for me it meant that I kept up with other people’s perceptions that everything was hunky-dory despite what life kept throwing at me. I didn’t feel able to open up so I could talk about my struggles with anyone, meaning I was isolating myself from others who wanted to help me and that’s not fair.
“The prison is in your mind. The key is in your pocket.”
Edith Eger
Life isn’t about being successful, it’s about communicating with those people who love 💗 you to your very core and instead of believing that, I have shut down and pushed them away.
This blog has so changed tack from where it started out..about supporting our teens whilst they go through many emotions, that it appears to have gone full circle back onto me, and maybe that’s it.
Maybe that’s the point of why I keep putting out blogs week after week, for me to have the time to focus on not only what other parent carers need, but also what I need too.
By writing my thoughts down in this blog helps me to process what I am dealing with and can actually be cathartic in a weird put it out there way, even though I have never wanted to be centre of attention in any aspect in my life. This isn’t about me being the best, by being the one that others worship and look up to, it’s about telling my story to anyone who is interested and wants to listen.
NOW I really need to change tack and look after myself 100% so for the next few weeks I am doing exactly that. I am focusing in on what I need as much as what my daughter and my husband need. I am reconnecting not only to me but them as well so I hope you don’t mind me taking a step back and putting myself first.