Parenting a teen with chronic ill-health whether that’s physical, emotional or mental is hard, very very hard. Unfortunately, there is no way of getting away from that fact until society changes its view. However, even within these limitations, there are ways that you can find space for yourself and make time for your needs.

Now before you go, what the hell and how can you suggest that I make time, let me explain….

My experience of being a Mum of a teen with chronic ill-health

I am a Mum to a now 16-year-old wonderful, caring and adventurous daughter who has had chronic ill-health for the past 15 years. Over the years I have had to manage her illnesses alongside everything else. 

There have been many times when I would drop her at school, go to my Dad’s to support and care for him or work a part-time job and then return to school to take her home again. As if that wasn’t hard enough, I then had to deal with the things people never saw; meltdowns that resulted in aggressive and violent behaviour towards me, sleep issues, low self-esteem and the wanting to be ‘normal’ just like everyone else. On top of this, there was the never-ending cycle of infections, doctor's appointments, school meetings and even more hounding for hospital appointments/phone calls. 

At its very worse, it was all-consuming and I struggled to manage on a day-by-day basis.

To be truthful all I wanted to do was to get in the car and drive as far away as I could and never ever come back. I didn’t want to end my life as such, I just wanted to have a break for me where I could focus on my needs. 

Professionals kept telling me that I needed to look after myself – anyway…how the hell was I supposed to do that when I had no support? I didn’t have enough energy to look after my daughter’s needs, let alone mine. 

Every day was the same old routine, I would wake in the morning and hope it would be different but it never was. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells so by the time the evening came round, I had no energy for myself and would either fall asleep with my daughter or watch mindless crap TV. I delayed going to bed as I didn’t want tomorrow to come and had less and less interest in what was happening around me. 

My daughter’s ill health became one all-consuming vicious circle like a merry go round that was going faster and faster that I couldn’t get off.

Friends who didn’t understand dropped by the wayside and even some family members thought I was making it all up – as if I wanted to feel this crap?! Anyway… I lost all my joy in life and spent a good deal of time hiding the real me from people who thought they knew better than I did. 

For a good few years, my daughter had an infection every month which meant that for three out of those four weeks, she would be ill; one week going down with it, another week with it and the last week recovering from it. This meant there was only one week a month where she was well. It was soul-destroying to see your child in so much pain and discomfort month after month, with no support or guidance from anyone in the know. Doctors viewed the infections as isolated problems rather than as an ongoing issue. 

It all came to a head when we were reported to social services as she had yet another infection and was off school again. Her attendance at school was pretty poor by this time and I just don’t believe they understood the effects that chronic ill-health has on your mentality, let alone on your schoolwork. As a Mum, most of the day to day responsibilities were on my shoulders as hubby was at work earning a salary. As my daughter’s needs were chronic, unfortunately, society didn’t recognise them as being a need so we never received any benefits to help us. We just had to make do with what we had so we rarely went on holiday or had day trips away as they were just too difficult to organise.

How realising I had a choice to turn things around changed everything

It took a chance discussion with a wonderful lady from Contact for me to realise that I wasn’t just a normal Mum, I was in fact a parent carer. It was such a huge relief to finally hear that what I was going through, wasn’t the norm. 

What happened next was absolutely mind-blowing as I realised that I had a choice to stay in the same old, same old OR and this is so empowering, to really look at what was happening for me and to turn things around. 

For the last four years, I have been on one hell of a personal journey to find the keys to unlock time and space for me as a parent carer. By putting my needs first every day, it gives me energy and headspace to focus on my daughter and other activities. 

Learning these simple tools is a total game-changer and one that you can use again and again throughout your life. Of course, there are going to be times when even I struggle, but then I take the time to listen in, connect with me and the issue resolves. It may be as easy as taking some time for myself with a cup of herbal tea in the sun. 

I have learnt so much that I would love to share all this with other Mums of teens with chronic ill-health. I believe that the key to unlocking our futures is to learn how to use these simple tools so we have the power and energy to put ourselves first. 

I have been hiding in the shadows for so long, that now I want to be out in the open, proud of who I am and using my past to help people become who they want to be.  I want to support like-minded Mums to find their feet, rediscover who they are and live the life they want – that’s not much to ask, is it? 

A Deep Dive into the Life You Want

I run a six month 1:1 programme that consists of a three-weekly connection where we take a deep dive into what’s happening for you, what you want to do with your life in the future and where you are held back. Once you find the answers to why you haven’t been able to move forward in your life, your life becomes so much more than just supporting and caring for your teen. 

Your life is exactly that…YOURS so if you are ready to take a stand and put yourself first, come and connect with me on Voxer. It becomes about you living the life YOU want. 

Why me? 

I want you to know that you’re not alone, as when I was going through the worst of it, what I really wanted was for there to be somewhere where I felt safe to offload without fear of backlash, disinterest, disillusion or disbelief (anything that begins with dis…really).

I want to be that person that you turn to who will support you no matter what you are dealing with right now. I will listen to you like you’ve never been listened to before, hold your hand and guide you to make the steps you’ve always wanted to do so you can live the life you want.

If you’re ready to finally live the life YOU want, A Deep Dive into the Life You Want is for you. If you’d like to discuss if this is the right programme for you please get in touch, I’m here for you.