Life with an anxious teen sucks at times - aarrggh!

So Friday morning…my teen has just had a session with her tutor on writing a CV which she found difficult. She found it hard to concentrate so distracted herself throughout the whole thing. Distracted, distracted. So when I suggested that she write down what was being said to her so she can use it later, she didn’t.

She wrote something else down and instead of asking her tutor, ‘can I just check this is right?’ her tutor left to go to her next appointment. As far as I was aware, everything was hunky-dory until she left that is…. Then my teen kicked off big time at me for over an hour as I had a work phone call to make to discuss another teen.

Her theory is ‘why aren’t I helping her? Why can’t I help her?’ The translation being…why can’t I do it for her?

She had decided that instead of taking responsibility, she would blame me as I was putting a work phone call above her needs. I will say at this time that I home educate and work my business around her needs, but not whilst she is kicking off.

When she didn’t take kindly to this she kicked off again, barricaded me in my room and turned up the volume on her phone. She also started to chant ‘it’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair’ whilst I was speaking to a Mum regarding her teen daughter. She became so loud that I had to cut the phone call short.

I am beyond words, as that was so unprofessional beyond belief, a friggin nightmare because actually the Mum I was speaking to was going through a similar issue to what was going on right now behind me.

Why I help Mums struggling with their teens

This is why I do what I do to help other Mums in a similar situation that I am in, as it’s not comfortable, it’s not easy being in that situation and more often than not, you don’t get the help you deserve.

All she had to do was write down a few more words in a frickin CV, and then that would be it. But to her, a kick-off is easier as she gets to not do what she was being asked to do. I’m supposed to be down at the unit, I’m supposed to be doing that for myself, but at the minute I am simmering at home.

Yes, I am angry, so angry that she just, I don’t know, seems to think that I’m there at her beck and call. I never said I wouldn’t help her, just not right now. So yeah, Friday morning has been quite sh*t, it started off well but the last hour has been horrendous.

I just want to say I’m here for you. I’m here for you if you’re going through some other things like I say my teen is..you know aged 16 coming to the end of schooling, even though she’s only been in official schooling for six months. I’ve home educated for a lot of the time over the last four years, as she’s been in and out of school as school was so stressful for her.

I’m not having this reaction again, I’m not prepared to go down that route anymore and I know how hard it is. I’m not putting myself at the bottom of the pile I’ve been that person who didn’t take notice of what I needed. I want a work-life balance. I want a bl**dy life.

Why as a Mum you should still put yourself first

Just because my teen has kicked off and thinks that I will stop doing what I’m passionate about, that I can be at her beck and call, she has another thing coming, I’m not having this behaviour as I’m not tolerating it. If she thinks that I’m going to support her with everything that she wants to do and sod my life, do you know what? F*ck it, f*uck it, f*ck it, I’m not playing this game.

I put myself first day in and day out.

And if she thinks that by kicking off at me, she can get exactly what she wants, she’s got another thing coming. I’m not going to say she’s got to earn my respect but I’m not giving her respect when I get that behaviour that she thinks she can kick-off and I can bend over backwards, no way hosey!

You’re not alone struggling with your teen

So if you’re going through similar things with your teens honestly get in touch. I have full empathy for you, I’ll be non-judgmental, obviously because I’m going through similar stuff.

I will listen to you like you’ve never been listened to before, and possibly be the only person who will truly listen to you.

Life with a teen sucks at times, especially one who’s got extra needs through whatever reason, whether that is behaviour, emotional, ill-health etc. All behaviours are caused by an emotion or a feeling so they are reacting to that feeling.

So my teen has reacted today because she is stressing, because she’s panicking about writing a CV, because she doesn’t know how to write about her strengths, but she knows the end goal, that she wants to go to a local college to do an outdoor adventure course.

Instead of building up those thoughts and ideas in the middle of her CV, it’s easier to just go into ‘I can’t’, so I kick-off. Extreme behaviour is a teen or child’s way of showing intense emotions that they can’t or don’t know how to process, caused by an intense fear of the future or insecurity about themselves.

Those feelings of ‘I can’t do this’, we all get them from time to time. So yeah, this is a tough one, it’s a tough blog to write, but it needs writing because not everything is in the positives, not everything is gonna work. Life isn’t like that, there are the dips and sometimes you can feel like you’re on a roller coaster and with a teen, that can feel like a constant ride. There are going to be good times and bad times but I am here to support you whenever.

Unfortunately, this was a bad time this morning but do you know what I’m proud of? I’m still proud of me! I’m proud of the way that I managed it. I’m proud to be here blogging and I’m proud of me being able to support you guys, to not hide my head in the sand as I used to and pretend it will all go away. Not to scream, shout and run away.

I’m still here, I’m here at home. She’s upstairs. I haven’t gone to work as I’m not in the right headspace. But I am here, and I’m calming my dog down because she gets very anxious when my daughter kicks off.

“I just want to say that I’m here for you.”

Honestly, I’m here and I can totally empathise with what you’re going through. I can totally support you. It’s time, not just for your teen, for you too. I can support you, and that’s what I believe the reason I was put on this earth for, to support other people in similar situations. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I am saying if I can support you and give you the tools to help you manage your emotions, your teen will witness this behaviour and will want to manage their own emotions. Building resilience to lower stress levels using simple self-help tools is my aim for both of you.

Life will be calmer, and it will be easier for you both. You’ll be able to connect with who you are inside rather than all those shoulds that other people put on us. Like the Mum, I spoke with this morning, who said she has been asking for help for years and years and years and she has been told numerous times that there’s nothing out there and there’s nothing wrong with her teen. Sorry, but if you ask for help then something is wrong. You don’t ask for help willy nilly, you ask for help when you’re at the end of your tether and have nothing in your pot as there’s nothing else to scrape out.

Until I learnt to believe in myself, I had nothing, no support, no guidance but taking simple baby steps made it easier to really connect with myself. I now know I have my inner belief, that I will do the best in my power to support my teen, but I have to put myself first. If I don’t put myself first then everything else unravels around me.

A simple breathing technique to relieve stress

Honestly, you’ve taken that first step as you’re reading this blog. Now take a mini moment to yourself, put both feet on the floor and breathe, take a deep breath in, close your eyes, hold for four and then breathe out through your mouth. Do this four times, the reason we breathe out through the mouth is to lose all that stress that’s in your body and mind.

Just allowing yourself this mini moment of calm allows you to ground yourself. Tune into yourself, really connect to yourself so your body will tell you what you need, whether that’s time for rest, or to just do something for yourself. Yeah, that’s it for now.

Honestly, if you need help please do get in touch. I look forward to speaking to you soon and remember you’re not alone.

Take care and look after yourself xxx